Monthly Archives: April 2013

Horrible Sunsets

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My sister called this morning.   She needed to have her dog put to sleep.

Another little soul’s passing on – another horrible sunset…

Sunset over Churchyard

I’m reminded of a different  sunset years ago when my little dog Daphne passed on.   I’m not the type of person who thinks of myself as a mommy to my pets, but I do love them dearly and they are precious to me.

On that chilly early-October morning, as the last roses in our backyard were fading away, the time had come for Daphne’s sunset.  On the way to the vet, we stopped in at the park just one last time.  Daphne was too sick to enjoy it.   So we just stood there on the bank of the creek, waiting for I have no idea what.

As I stood with this little soul that I had been responsible for, that I so thoroughly loved, I stared out at the creek and felt such pain that this little life would be torn away from me.  The mist was rising up from the water and it seemed to me to be souls moving on, leaving this world for someplace unknown.  A tiny wisp was someone’s rabbit or parakeet.   A slightly larger one was a dog like Daphne.  The largest were spouses, friends, children. In that mist I saw the inevitable cycle of life – the unavoidable passing from this existence into another that every soul must endure.

I don’t think it’s possible to fully get over the loss of a life that has been truly precious to you, no matter what type of life it was. I think the losses tear away at us and while we eventually heal, we’ll always have scars, marks left upon our souls by other souls that have touched us.

Sometimes when I’m driving along with my mind full of the mundane distractions of daily life, I’ll catch a glimpse of mist floating above some water and I’ll be reminded once more of that October morning so many years ago. I’ll think about that little soul that moved on and wonder who I’m seeing pass in those mists now.

I wish them a peaceful transition, I wish comfort to the ones they leave behind… and I wish that such painful partings, such horrible sunsets, were not an inevitable part of sun-filled lives.

 

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My Wolfman Wears Yellow

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What color does your Wolfman wear?  Mine wears yellow.

Mustard Yellow Plaid FlannelTo be more specific, my Wolfman wears that 1970s mustard yellow – in plaid.  For as long as I can remember, I have associated the Wolfman with that color.  I’m not talking about the modern movie Wolfman that turns into a quasi-wolf.  I’m talking about that 1941 Wolfman that looks more like a guy with really out-of-control facial hair.  Actually, it’s probably the 1979 Wolfman now that I’m thinking about it.

Anyway, the people at a company I worked for a few years back really liked Halloween to the point where everyone in the office was expected to show up at work in costume that day.  A work-appropriate Halloween costume can be a challenge – no sexy witches or naughty nurses (not that I’m the type anyway).  I thought it over for days  trying to find something not too cutesy, something relatively easy…I then I remembered him – my Wolfman in a mustard yellow plaid flannel shirt.  I headed to Target for costume supplies and there, hanging right near the aisle, was a mustard yellow plaid flannel shirt.  Obviously, this was fate!  I picked up Wolfman hands and made my own wolf ears.  Wolfman AccoutrementsAnd when I headed to the office on Halloween, I felt good (a little silly), but truly good.  I vaguely wondered why I was so happy with that costume and why I was insisting on that mustard yellow shirt, but time moves on & so did my thoughts – until a month or so ago.

I began rethinking childhood memories for my storytelling class and was focusing on times when I felt happy.  A couple of long forgotten memories resurfaced.  Watching as an iron was lifted off of a mustard yellow shirt and smelling that strange plastic scent of an iron-on decal.  Running out the front door between the lilac bushes while wearing a mustard yellow turtleneck, and feeling good, truly good. How could I have forgotten that shirt with the Wolfman head decal ironed right on the front???

And there it was – I finally understood! In that moment of my childhood I was channeling my inner Wolfman…well, all that can be seen as good about the Wolfman. My timid, chubby, young self felt strong & brave with that Wolfman emblazoned on my chest – as if I could face anything.

After all these years, I still have a fondness for the Wolfman. I haven’t rewatched the 1979 version. I prefer to avoid the disillusionment. But I think I just might try to find a vintage Wolfman iron-on decal and – now as a timid, chubby, older self – work on channeling all that is good about the Wolfman one more time.

The Stories Remain

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I’m weird.  I like cemeteries.

Mt Zion Cemetery

It’s not a morbid fascination with death or an interest in the supernatural and for a while, I really couldn’t explain why I liked them.  But now I understand – I like them because of the stories they tell.  Years ago, I purchased a book called “Stories in Stone:  A Field Guide to Cemetery Symbolism and Iconography.”  I learned about the meanings of many of the symbols used in funerary art and stopped there for a bit.  Reading a book about it was one thing, but tromping through old burial grounds for fun would be quite another.

Birdsboro Cemetery

Years later, my husband gave me a digital SLR camera as a birthday gift – purchased with literally pennies and pocket change that we had been saving for over 15 years.  So, I had this nice camera and I was looking for subjects – preferably free places, since our spare change had just been used up.  The time had come…I began my hobby of heading to grave yards.

My husband, kind and indulgent soul that he is, usually comes out with me.  He’s into mobilography, so there’s no fighting over the camera.  What’s really interesting is how we each have a different focus, so we “read” different stories on these visits.  I notice the symbolism and the art

work and I think about what stories the grieving families, and sometimes the deceased themselves, were trying to tell.  He notices the family names and dates and is able to see stories of bad years and big families.

Benjamin Franklin once said “Show me your cemeteries, and I will tell you what kind of people you have.”  He understood that cemeteries tell the stories of a people, stories that remain.

Additional Information:

Remember me…

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I have a coworker (I’ll call her Cathy) who loves – I mean LOVES – to talk.  She’ll talk about anything – sometimes she talks about work, sometimes she maps out her plans for dinner, and, every once in a while, she’ll share a story that just sticks with you…

Cathy had been working at a historic site that got a lot of student field trips from the inner city.   She talked about how kids would show up without food for lunch.   Some wouldn’t even have a coat in the middle of winter and they’d shiver through the hour-long outdoor tour of the site.   This would happen so frequently that Cathy brought in her sons’ old coats so the kids could be warm,  if only for the few hours that they were there.  She also kept peanut butter, jelly, and bread on hand.

During one of these school trip visits, a young girl approached Cathy with a little folded note in her hand. The note had a small pink heart drawn on the outside of it.  The girl held the note up to Cathy and said “Will you keep this for me?”  Cathy opened the note, I guess expecting it to be another little drawing – maybe a flower or bunny – the type of things that young girls like.  Instead, written inside was this simple message: Remember me.

I wonder what was happening in that little girl’s life that made her reach out to Cathy.  I wonder what has happened to the girl since and where her life has taken her.  – And I wonder if she remembers giving Cathy that note and if she wonders if it made any difference.

I’ve seen Cathy tell that story several times – each time, ending with a few tears.  So – the note did make a difference.  I wish I could let that lost little girl know that Cathy followed through on her promise.  She does still remember her…and now I do too.

Lincoln and the Lessons of Stories

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I recently saw the movie Lincoln, a little late – I know, but just indulge me.

During the movie, I was struck by Abraham Lincoln as storyteller.  Lincoln as a skilled storyteller is general knowledge, but actually seeing it in film made it more meaningful for me.  If I had not been taking a class on digital storytelling, I might have vaguely noted that he liked to tell jokes and stories and just moved on, but I found myself paying particular attention to when he told a story, watched how he was portrayed during the telling, and speculated as to why he told it at times.

Abraham Lincoln

Photo credit: Library of Congress

Some stories were applied as purposeful evasions – meant to point to answers without directly providing ones.  Walt Whitman praised Lincoln’s skilled use of stories as “weapons.”  At other times, they were used to put things into a different perspective and get the listeners to draw their own conclusions.  Lincoln understood that stories are “economical” and “sticky”- concepts that have come up in multiple readings for our class.  A good story can capture people’s attention right from the beginning and quickly get to the point allowing listener’s to fill-in the blanks in their minds while the teller focuses on the overall message – leading the proverbial horse to water.  Stories are easy to remember – and repeat.

At other times, his stories didn’t seem to have a point beyond the joke, some little bit of humor to inject into tense situations.  Lincoln is quoted as saying “if I did not laugh I should die.”  So maybe his jokes were not meant to be much more than a release – something to help him cope.  But, I kept thinking about a study by Princeton University in 2010 that found that a listener’s mind actually syncs with the teller’s mind as a story is being told – an instance of “neural coupling”.   I continue to wonder if those humorous anecdotes and jokes did more beyond relieving a bit of tension.  I wonder if they actually set people up to be more receptive to whatever Lincoln needed to communicate during that discussion by literally syncing up with the listeners – a mind meld – to make them more receptive to what would follow.

Talk about being on the same wavelength and getting on the same frequency…

Who knew that Abraham Lincoln was into neuroscience?

Further reading:

Abraham Lincoln’s Classroom:  Abraham Lincoln’s Stories and Humor – http://www.abrahamlincolnsclassroom.org/Library/newsletter.asp?ID=30&CRLI=110

Stories of Speakers and Writers:  Abraham Lincoln the Storytelling President – http://storiesforspeakers.blogspot.com/2009/05/abraham-lincoln-storytelling-president.html

Discover:  Study:  The Brains of Storytellers and Their Listeners Actually Sync Up  – http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2010/07/27/study-the-brains-of-storytellers-and-their-listeners-actually-sync-up/#.UVnwQxfZ-jS

PNAS:  Speaker–listener neural coupling underlies successful communication – http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2010/07/13/1008662107.abstract